Example 1: Today was a big day. Why was today a big day? Not because of the amount of candy I collected (I mean nothing can measure up to 9.2 pounds of pure sugar two Halloweens ago... you think I'm being funny.) or a fabulous costume (even though Karen was a stellar choice if I do say so myself). No, what I'm about to say will surprise you.
Today was a big day because I killed two roaches. At two different times.
All by myself.
LAME.
The only reason I killed the first one in the first place was because my brother refused to do so, thus leaving me with the disgusting creature in my bathroom...
alone.
I mean, what a
stupid example. But if I really think about it,
there is no way I'm ready to leave home. Face the world where I have to kill bugs
myself?! Pshhh. No thanks.
Example 2: A couple of weeks ago, I, after many failed attempts, finally figured out how to operate the little lever on the gas pump that allows you to stand back and let the pump fill your car without you having to hold it.
Stop laughing. This was a big.deal... you, know, at the time. I even celebrated the moment with a commemorative photo. A COMMEMORATIVE PHOTO. Face palm.
Example 3: Going through the car wash-the one where you sit inside. Now, I love sitting inside and watching Wilbur get washed but all the steps leading up to there are where it gets a little bit rocky. a) I am physically unable to wash my tires/wheels correctly. b) even though there are directions for the area where you pull your car onto the tracks, I have to have someone to calm me down from the passenger seat every time because I'm so afraid I'll miss the tracks, ruin my car, break the car wash, make people mad, have to get out of my car in my yoga pants, and WASTE THAT WHOLE $5. Duh.
So it seems that no matter how simple the task, I can
always find some way to complicate it. If I lived by myself, daddy would no longer be there to catch the spiders or walk me through the car wash and I would eat pasta and cereal every night because that's all I know how to cook.
Long story short, I'm ready to leave home, but I'm SO not ready to leave home.
I think I like 17.
-Sj*
